


Look at Me

by SongsofPsyche



Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: Combo's Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, If someone wants to expand, M/M, Methamphetamine, Mute Jesse (kind of), Rape Aftermath, Short One Shot, Snippets, be my guest, slightly AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-28
Updated: 2014-10-28
Packaged: 2018-02-22 23:47:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2526122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SongsofPsyche/pseuds/SongsofPsyche
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something happened to Jesse, but he refuses to talk about it. Walt tries to get through to him and offers him help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Look at Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a snippet I thought of when watching the show. If someone wants to expand or continue it, please let me know! Slightly AU, set in season three.

“Jesse”

jesse continued to clean the workspace, still not looking at Walt in the eye, still not saying a word.

“Jesse. Look at me.” Walt tried again, not ignoring the shaking in his young partners fingers.

“Fine. If your not going to look at me, then just listen. I don't know what’s going on with you--I don't know because you haven't said more than two words to me for the past three weeks—but what I do know is that this had gone on way too long. Don't think I haven't noticed how you flinch away from me my every touch, or how you never look me in the eye anymore. I've let you be for three weeks in hope that you would get better on your own, but you haven't. So now I'm asking you again; what happened? What did they do to you to make you so scared?”

Jesse froze, and for a moment Walt actually thought he had gotten through to him. Then Jesse spoke, so softly that Walt thought he had mistaken it for the one inside his head.

“Why?”

“What?”

“Why do you care so damn much about what happened to me? All you've done these past weeks is hover over me. Like I said a million times before; nothing happened to me. I am fine!” he said, clutching the table with white knuckles and glaring at the floor.

“Because your the only one I have. My family left me. Jesse. They are gone.” Walt whispered, he reached up and touched one of the shiny new beakers.

“This is all I have left in the world.”

He shook his head. 

“Anyway. If you say your fine, then fine. I just need to reach over you to get….” Walt said, stepping in close to Jesse and extending his hand towards him. Jesse immediately flinched away from Walt’s touch and took a few steps backwards into the table. Something on the other side fell over with a bang and both Jesse and Walt jumped at the noise.

“Don't touch me.” Jesse said in a barely audible thin whisper.

Walt shrugged. 

“Wasn't gonna. But I did just prove a point. You are not fine. Something happened to you to make you flinch away from me and I want to know. Now. What happened to you to cause such a reaction?” he asked again.

Walt looked up at him and was surprised to see that Jesse was battling for composure.

“Jesse…” Walk said softly “Look at me.”

And he waited patiently for Jesse’s glassy eyes to meet his. Their eyes met for a split second and walt forced himself not to flinch away from the shattered soul he saw. Then Jesse looked away, at the ceiling, at the lab equipment, at the floor. Anywhere but Walt.

Walt sighed softly.

“I’m not going to hurt you.” he said softly, looking up at Jesse, who flinched again as if Walt’s very words hurt him. Walt then walked over to Jesse, he reached out his hand and gently cupped Jesse’s chin, bringing his head up.

Blue eyes met hazel ones.

“I am not going to hurt you.” Walt repeated. He felt Jesse try to flinch away but he kept his hand where it was, keeping their eyes locked.

“Can’t you see that I am the only one that still cares about you? I am not going to let you push me away.”

Jesse jerked his chin away and turned from Walk with a shaky exhale.

“Look, we need to come to a middle ground here if we ever want to meet our quota. We are business partners, we need to be able to trust each other for any of this to work.” Walt said, motioning to the lab.

“Okay. Let’s see. You don't want to be touched—which is fine— we can work with that, but you have to trust that I wont hurt you. You are safe here. Nobody can get in and out of this lab except for us. Nobody is going to hurt you. Now, with that said, can we begin?” Walt asked.

Jesse stood perfectly still. He seemed to be thinking over what Walt had said. Finally, after what seemed like forever, Jesse nodded his head.

“Okay. Mr. White. But no coming up behind me—or getting near me—or anything. Okay?” he said, coming to himself for a moment.

Walt nodded, “Alright.” he said softly, and then slowly he reached for his mask, and they began cooking.

 

They worked in silence. To Walt it seemed like days, instead of just a few hours. Jesse kept his distance and he didn't meet Walt’s eye once. Until finally—-

“I’m sorry, Mr. White.”

“it’s alright.” Walt said softly, pausing where he was and looking up at Jesse.

“No it’s not.” Jesse answered

“What?”

“I’m not okay.” he whispered.

“I know. Can you tell me—?” Walt asked, holding his breath.

Jesse shrugged his shoulders.

“Jesse. Look at me.” Walt said, taking a few steps towards him. Jesse in turn backed away from the older man until his back hit the wall of the lab.

Walt sighed. “Is this about Jane?”

Jesse shook his head.

“Is this about what happened with Combo?”

Jesse nodded his head

“I said I was sorry. I know it was traumatic to see that but I saved your—”

“Sorry’s not enough.” Jesse whispered.

Walt sighed. This was really about that. The everlasting turf war that was going on right under his nose? Didn't he take care of those two thugs weeks ago? He had really stuck his neck out for Jesse, what was that boy thinking?

“Why do you always do this?” he asked, feeling his temper flair up.

“Do what?” Jesse looked up at him.

“Play the hurt little boy. ohhh poor little me, some big bullies ruffled my hair—“

“Stop. STOP. Please stop it.”

“Jesse?” Walt asked

“It wasn't like that.”

“Than what was it? Why are you shutting me out? if its that important to you, than why don't you tell me what they did.” Walt asked, feeling his temper rise.

“It’s not that simple…”

“Why?” Walt asked

Jesse winced and crossed his arms over his chest.

“I can’t—-“

“WHY?!” Walt asked again, raising his voice and stepping closer to Jesse. 

“Because—I think—they didn't just beat me up—I think—-I think I was raped.” Jesse whispered, looking up at Walt with dead serious eyes.

Silence. 

They both stare at each other. The truth is finally revealed. Jesse shivers and slides down the wall onto the floor, keeping his arms tightly wrapped around himself.

Walt stares at him in shock, and disbelief.

“What?” he asks

“I didn't tell you…the night before you—you know—hit them with your car. I went back, just to check out the scene and they were there. They took me—they hurt me. And it wasn't just—I didn't want it. I swear I didn't want it but they wouldn't stop. They never stopped, I cant make them—”

“Jesse—-”

“Don't make me say it again.” Jesse cuts Walt off, looking down at his knees.

“Oh Jesse. I am sorry. I am so so sorry.” Walt said, walking over to him and kneeling down next to him. Jesse pulled his legs into his chest, making him appear incredibly small.

“I didn't know.” Walt said

“I know.” Jesse answered.

“Have you talked to anybody about this?” Walt asked.

Jesse shook his head.

“You should. What about that mentor person from those meetings? He can—“

“No one can know.” Jesse interrupted him, and his eyes flashed up.

“What?”

“Dude. I have like, my reputation to keep up. If word gets out in the street that some idiots walked all over me, I’ll be ruined. No one can know that I let them play their games with me. So no, I can’t talk to anybody about this.” Jesse answered, eyes getting glassier with every word.

“Jesse—“

Jesse buried his head in his hands and stifled a sob.

“Jesse. Jesse. Look at me.” Walt said, putting his hand on Jesse’s knee and for once Jesse didn't flinch away from his touch. He waited until Jesse looked up at him.

“Talk to me. You can trust me. I won’t think of you any differently, or judge you. I promise.” Walt said.

Jesse stared at him for ten whole seconds. Walt counted them in his head; one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi…….

“Now?” Jesse asked

“What?”

“Don’t we have a quota to meet or something?” Jesse asked.

“Yes. Yes, I suppose we do. How about after, we can have a beer?” Walt offered.

“Okay.”

“But you have to promise not to run off, okay? We have to work this out.” Walt said, and then he remembered something his son used to do when he was young and wanted to spend time with his father.

Walt extended his hand, pinky raised up.

“Promise?” he asked

Jesse stared at his hand, and then up at Walt.

“What?”

Walt sighed, “You promise you won’t run off?” he wiggled his pinky. 

Jesse scoffed, “What are we? Fourth graders?”

“Just do it.”

Jesse froze, eyes glued on Walt’s extended hand.

“Jesse, look at me.” Walt asked again.

Jesse looked up at him.

“You have to trust me.”

Jesse sighed, and then he reached his hand out and linked his pinky with Walt’s.

“Promise.” he said. 

Their eyes finally locked and for the first time in a very long time, Walt saw a glimmer of light at the end of this very, very long tunnel.


End file.
